Winter Doldrums

I started this post on Boxing Day (12/26). I have been feeling like crying lately, but unable to do it. An ennui has overcome me. It sucks. I blame MS for this - this lack of spirit, of waning energy, of memories of good years gone by, this encompassing wistfulness. I'm sliding into depression. This is what it feels like.

Now it's 12/28. Depression is a strange beast. I can recognize it now, and so will start taking my Zoloft again. It doesn't take much to re-elevate my seratonin levels, so I will keep sharing with DH, as he does need them more than I do. FWIW, my Rx is written so that it's enough for the two of us if I stick with taking 50mg which I didn't.


Here is a meme I picked up over at Letters from a Hill Farm. Write the first line of the first post of each month of 2009; see what patterns, if any, emerge.

I got one purchase, two post-writing-gap apologies, two awards, a fireworks, an apology for a mis-statement of fact, Radagast lisence came due, notes on SoluMedrol, one "I got nothing" comment, and two NaBloPoMo beginnings (one finished one not). After those first lines are posts, some pithy and/or amusing, but most are just drivel. I can say this - to me, my life is boring, to you it may not be, and if that's the case I am glad I don't waste your time for coming here.

Dec 4 - We treated ourselves to a Black Friday Christmas bargain present - a GE A1235 camera for less than $70.
Nov 7 - I realize I haven't written for awhile, like not since before Halloween, which is only a week ago but seems like longer.
Oct 8 - Take a look at these two lovely awards I received from my dear friend Herrad today (yesterday).
Sep 5 - There, I said it, I'm feeling guilty for not posting lately.
Aug 3 - In my last post I said that I was married in 1981.
Jul 4 -

I grew up on Queen Anne Hill in Seattle about a half mile walk to Kerry Park, the prime viewpoint for the Fourth of Jul-Ivar's fireworks display, (click to see full size)

Ivar's being a Seattle seafood restaurant and institution.
Jun 3 - Wow, tonight, along with all the other MS Bloggers out there, I received this.
May 3 - I just got the reminder from the city to renew Radagast's license.
Apr 4 - I am one week out, and I feel slightly better than before I started, so I have determined that I nipped something in the bud.
Mar 5 - Fingers poised over the keyboard not knowing what to type.
Feb 1 - Today is the first day of February, and therefore another NaBloPoMo Challenge begins. [Note: this time I did]
Jan 1 - I'm going to try it again - to post daily for the month of January. Do not expect them all (or any of them, really) to be inspired, but I will try my best to get SOMETHING up every day. [note: I didn't make it]


So I'll leave you with this: I had sex today. We have started making an effort to connect in this way again after having let it go for awhile. MS has killed my libido, and middle age is taking its toll on DH. Once he started taking the Zoloft, he was amenable to taking time to talk each day - which was a good thing. So we spend a few minutes in bed together in the morning with no expectations. As a result, we have been getting along better in general. Today, as we were canoodling, one thing led to another, and it went well for him, actually better than usual! So I tried with my "12" tool" and it went very well for me as well! My first O in many months. :-) Thinking about it, maybe it's because I had stopped taking the Zoloft! Geez, damned if I do and damned if I don't. Oh well. Aren't you glad you read this far? LOL

Or TMI . . . . whatever.

Good Night, TTYL and Be Well