Maybe it's Just One of Those Days


I am feeling rather depressed today. My PT, Shannon, pointed out some truths to me about my "lack of compliance" with my exercise routine. She sees right through me. She's good. And she isn't even a specialist with MS! Still, she certainly hit on my buttons, in a very kindly way, as we discussed the ebbs and flows that is MS.


Why am I not doing my home exercises? I don't know. Because I don't believe that they will keep me from getting worse, I guess. In my heart of hearts I feel it is inevitable - getting worse. I have seen it - too much of it - it will happen to me, too. And I guess I feel that there's not anything I can do that will change that. So, I don't bother. I started out with high hopes, and I was getting stronger. . . THEN, I got that damned sinus infection which pretty much put me back where I was. I guess I'm feeling, "What's the point?"

Of course, I know that  if I continue the way I have been - not doing much of anything - I WILL get worse. So then, if I do the work, and don't get better, perhaps I'll just stay the same. Like treading water: sometimes it takes a lot of effort just to stay afloat.

So, I've been feeling a little blue today, just shy of crying. Thinking about what I have to do to change my thinking. Oh- and I have been taking Ampyra for five days now, and have not noticed a difference. There's that, too.

And then I read this, which leads to thoughts of the BP oil washing up on the once pristine beaches of Florida, and Louisiana, and these thoughts do nothing to make me feel better about my situation, at all, but just seems to be a swirl of negativity circling the drain.

I didn't get enough sleep last night; I woke up  feeling like crap. But I went to PT and I walked in water for 25 minutes, and the treadmill somehow pushed the speed up a notch to a six, when Shannon set it at a five, so it was no wonder I was feeling the difference.

Anyway, we made a plan. Do one thing: the Roll for Control. Every day. It takes, what?, five minutes? Then throughout the day do little things like standing balance exercises, or pulls with the TheraBand, or seated marching during commercials. But those things are all extra. The Roll for Control is what I must do  every day, without fail.

I'm going to go to bed. Tomorrow has to be a better day.

Good Night, TTYL, and Be Well,




P.S. I did just think of something good that happened today. I weighed myself before I left PT, and their fancy digital scale said 179! How that happened I do not know, but I will accept it. Two weeks ago it told me I was 187 - which I did not doubt as I was fully clothed, so it was similar to my home scale. But 179 is good. For me, it is good.

Comments

  1. Kim@stuffcould....June 25, 2010 at 7:27:00 AM PDT

    Love this post, you gave me more reasons to push myself to exercise
    kim

    ReplyDelete
  2. Doug BJune 25, 2010 at 3:29:00 PM PDT

    And I'm hoping your spirits improve real soon!

    ReplyDelete
  3. WebsterJune 26, 2010 at 4:49:00 AM PDT

    Hi Kim, If I helped push you to do it while you still can, I'm glad. If you don't, it will just get harder. I did do mine today:-).

    Doug, Thanks. They're not quite UP, but they are a bit better- and I did my exercises today.

    Thanks for your comments.

    ReplyDelete
  4. kmilyunJune 26, 2010 at 11:54:00 PM PDT

    Kudos for the 179!

    It is hard for me sometimes to motivate myself to exercise. You hit the nail on the head - set backs are depressing and then I get lulled into a bad head space where I start dwelling on what's the point the MS is gonna win anyways.

    Tonight I am the winner MS be damned.

    ReplyDelete
  5. WebsterJune 27, 2010 at 7:35:00 AM PDT

    Hold on to your kudos, Jan. Weighed at home is just the same. Must be the difference in scales.

    But, you be the winner today! Heck, you've been moving furniture and all that jazz. I'd say you were doing pretty well.

    Now, just knock off on those 311 calls. lol

    ReplyDelete
  6. kmilyunJune 27, 2010 at 2:24:00 PM PDT

    I must confess that the furniture moving was mostly done by others. I did assemble the new desk and shelf - ok it took all day but I did it!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Diane J StandifordJune 29, 2010 at 8:56:00 AM PDT

    Web, I had been having liver problems for years---even had biopsy in the '80s, anyhoo, this last blood test ny liver has FINALLY gotten where I wanted it and one big change: my exercise. I really upped the exercise bike and weights EVERY DAY, no excuses. I don't even let myself think about it, just do it. Yesterday I awoke and felt so tired (I have to get up at 5AM), but sleeping in is no option---caregivers come and I must be ready. The We ALL have these D
    o
    w
    n
    days. Without drugs, exercise has definetly kept me from getting worse, I see it in those who don't get any--not pretty. You are a tough lady! (that scale can be adjusted...tee hee; I plead quilty.)

    ReplyDelete
  8. ArletteJune 30, 2010 at 2:41:00 AM PDT

    (((Hugs))) I wish for better days ahead for you. Sorry to hear of the challenges you face.
    Thanks for your comments to my recent post about flat tires. It seems that fixing a flat in your area is very reasonable compared to mine.
    Take care.
    Aloha!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Have Myelin?July 3, 2010 at 8:18:00 AM PDT

    Oh I know..those down days are a downer. I'm from Louisiana and to see those marshes like that breaks my heart.

    BUT.

    I also believe in the resilence of the human spirit. There is another oil spill that's been gushing forever in Nigeria but they don't care. We care. They're complaining (about the media attention) but I say it's because we care. Why didn't they complain before? They didn't care....

    I need to exercise. I don't. I need to. I simply don't. =(

    ReplyDelete

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