Christmas Cometh and Christmas Goeth

Yes we've just passed that time of the year when all is jolly and cookies abound, but to me it has become a time of coping; coping with desires usually unmet, and with abilities long gone. I cope with trying to communicate sincerely with friends and family and am often still not heard. I have suppressed my former desires of this season which I used to love so very much, so deep within me that I can barely remember what it was I liked to do each December. Any counselor worth his salt would urge me to let it out, but instead I tend to stuff it. Maybe that's a blessing as now, for me, for several reasons, there is precious little I can do any more. What this time of year brings without fail is a  lot of negative thinking that I know is not good for me or anyone else, but there it is. So, suppress it I must until the holidays pass. In the meanwhile I try to do what I can to get through it all.

My immediate (as  opposed to extended) family is having Christmas Day in Anacortes, a little over two hours north of me, where my niece lives. Her father, my brother, flew in from Japan on 12/23 as a big surprise for his grandkids, ages 6, 3, and 1/2 (baby). My sister-in-law and each of her four kids will be there, coming from Seattle, Mukilteo, California, and New York. There will be two new babies in their midst as well! Also, a few cousins have accepted the invitation, too. So, I really, really want to be there as well. But my DH does not. and my other two brothers who live in Tacoma also don't really want to go. Well, one of them has some health issues that make it difficult, and the other thinks he will "be bored;" as if that's a good reason. He is the one I hoped would drive me up there, but he didn't

So I decided to drive myself. I packed an overnight bag so I wouldn't have to come home after dark, possibly in the rain. Even though I left late, I was the first to arrive! I had always thought it was a 2 1/2 - 3 hour drive, but door to door it was just two hours; of course it was Christmas day and the traffic was very light and so that had to account for some of it. 

Seeing everyone all together was nice, but I thought it was hard to get to chat with everyone, which was a disappointment. Also, this was the first actual dinner that my niece has had, and it was all served sort of "party" style.  Snacks were out first, and when the turkey was done, that and the other dishes were set on the table which just seated eight. There were 18 of us there, so we ate in shifts, which was okay, but there never was a time when we were all together sharing a conversation. 

Also, my brother looked tired and seemed sad. I really feel that he is still grieving; it was just two years ago when his wife died suddenly of a cerebral hemorrhage. Maybe coming over at this time of year brought back too many bad memories.  I don't know - that's just what I observed. Also, he wrote on Facebook that when he got home, the inside of his house in Japan was about 40F! Now that's pretty chilly.  I  guess his thermostat doesn't have automatic settings... either that or he set it way too low in an effort to be frugal. Oh well

All in all, I'm glad I went; maybe just to prove to myself that I am not as helpless as all that. I was wise enough to being my crutch so I could navigate the stairs. I still needed a hand at the tops when the railings stopped shy of the top step. Why do they do that? Major design flaw, in my opinion.

So  all's well that that ends well. I had Christmas with my fam. My fam recognized the effort it took for me to be there, and appreciated it. I got to know my great-nephews a little  better. And I learned that I will not order a Creme Brulee Latte from Starbuck's (for the drive home, or anytime) ever again; It was much too sweet, even for me.

Good Night, TTYL, and Be Well